Rivalz's Little Secret
by mickeykity.413
Summary: Rivalz know that Milly is liked by many, but how long will it take his emotions to go over the edge? He realizes that simple drawn out lines made him snap and give up. FINISHED!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass or its characters. This is fan made.

**Bold** word are the song lyrics. I know that Rivalz is not a major character to care about but I love him so this to him. Unlike Euphie's Diary, this will be in first person.

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Rivalz loved everything about Milly. Her long blond hair, her well toned body, her busty chest, he often found himself trying to hide the bugle in his pants from his classmates. Lelouch, he found out, knew of his thoughts and told him to forget her. But Rivalz couldn't, he loved the girl too much to back out now.

He sat at another one of the council meetings hearing every word that Milly was saying, but imagining in his head what he hoped would happen, which never did.

"Rivalz?"

"**Let me know what I've done wrong,**" she asked him, her body turning to Shirley and Nina.

"She did everything wrong," he muttered to himself. Lelouch was beside him reading a book snickering.

"**When I've known this all along, I go around a time or two** to hint to her, I **just **end up** to waste my time with you**. Rivalz either tell her or shut up!" Lelouch said all this while not looking at him, Rivalz getting the hint of his choices.

Rivalz went to his dorm that evening and thought that he would go tell Milly now, but he thought the best of it. _No I'll stay here. Milly probably doesn't like me, anyway, at least Lelouch understands me and my love for her. _The next day, he arrived earlier at the council clubhouse to find Lelouch and Milly holding each other tightly, embracing!, Rivalz called it.

"**Tell me all that you've thrown away. **I'll **find out games you don't wanna play, **Milly. **You are the only one that needs to know."**

Rivalz watching as Lelouch went to kiss her and she accepted it. He angry saw that the two had started to walk away. Rivalz looked around the pillar that hid him and saw that Lelouch's hand was flipping him off.

_He knew I was here? _He asked himself.

Rivalz marched back to him room and slammed the door closed, trying to remove the images he had witnessed. Opening a small box under his bed, in it he had photos of the student council, of him and Suzaku taken during the school wide race (that Suzaku won), of him and Lelouch (the now traitor to him as well), and of him and Milly. There were also photos just of Milly that he was quite ashamed to have taken of her, but he was boy after all.

"**I'll keep you my dirty little secret**," he mumbled as he looked at the many of him and Milly, one staying out from the rest. It was of them at the beach with Shirley and Nina in it. They were wearing bikinis and he was in blue shorts to match his hair. He remembered it was the first time that he had gotten into a fight with Shirley, over the simplest of things, Milly.

"**Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret** to her!" he remembered her saying, he had actually told her, but she swore she wouldn't tell about his emotions.

_**Just another regret, hope that you can keep it**_, but he couldn't.

"**My dirty little secret **has been Milly all this time, Lelouch and her deserve to be together. Not me and her," he cried to the photos. "**Who had to know**!**"**

"**When we live such fragile lives **under Britannia, **it's the best way we survive **when we are always watched by people like Lelouch, **I go around a time or two just to waste my time with you**, seeing you with him. MAKES ME SICK!."

He went back to the council room after drying his eyes and face, to see Nina typing away like normal. At the table was Shirley, her head bowed on her arms that were crossed under her head and Suzaku was beside her rubbing her back, his head bent low too.

"What's up with you two?"

They looked up and both had red in their eyes.

"We had gym today. We had to run five miles around the school," mumbled Suzaku, who kept rubbing the orange haired girl's back. "Shirley fell down at the four mile mark, while I was finishing. I went to get her, she crying and upset to not have finished."

"**Who has to know**?" Nina asked quite out of character. "I mean **the way she feels inside**?"

"**Those thoughts I can't deny** but I was kind enough to help a fellow friend out. Right Rivalz?"

"Yeah, I would – help a friend out," he spatted out, images of Lelouch coming to him. Suzaku saw this and stood up. Pulling the boy by the collar into a separate room, Rivalz was surprised by the boy's actions.

"What happened earlier? You don't appear well?"

"**These sleeping thoughts won't lie**," he stated attempting to not tell him about Milly but not lie at the same time.

"What thoughts? About Madam President or Lelouch?"

Rivalz looked at the boy and wondered how the hell he knew. Catching that this worried that he knew, Rivalz added, "**And all I've tried to **was **hid. It's eating me apart.**"

"Well then think of it this way," said Suzaku pulling a piece of paper. "**Trace this life out**, the one you have now. Then Milly's and the one you want."

Rivalz did as so and saw the three never did meet at one part. Suzaku pointed at one point where it had crossed, it was labeled _FIRST MET MILLY/RIVALZ. _He looked up at Suzaku who said that meant a lot to Rivalz, and he was right. Standing up, he tossed the paper in the trash and muttered rude things to him.

"Milly will never love me, only those who are willing to act on their impulses, which would be completely Lelouch!"

Rivalz then ran out the door pass Shirley and Nina, pass the two he wanted and hated, pass everything he knew, pass everything that had prevented him from having Milly. The said girl watched as Rivalz ran out into the courtyard.

"Where's he going," she asked of Suzaku, who stopped beside them, seeing that chasing Rivalz was not worth his energy having had run earlier that day.

"He probably told Suzaku to **keep **his **dirty little secret **safe," said Shirley raising her head, knowing that what Suzaku was thinking. Milly asked what his secret was, but Shirley covered his mouth.

"**Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret** to Rivalz!" she warned to Suzaku who sat beside her again. Little did they know that Rivalz was now sitting in his room holding a gun, shaking at what to do.

"Milly you don't want or need me!" he looked at the gun, hoping it held answers. The only answer that the object gave him was a single shot to the head, forever making the worries end.

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Author Notes: Rather dark, huh? I wanted to show that he was weak for Milly, which I think I did well. Another songfic, but this I think is a far from normal fic that deals with stress. There will be a second chapter to this. Thanks!! R&R!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Code Geass or its characters. This is fan made!

**Bold** are the time line when the story shifts in time and the _italics_ are song lyrics. See bottom author notes for what it is.

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_Tick tock goes the clock_, Lelouch opened the door to reveal Rivalz laying on his bed, the gun having fallen on the bed. The boy looked as if he had fallen asleep but Lelouch knew what he did, but never thought he would.

"_Time is going so slow_," he said smiling at the boy before him. "I guess you really were in love with her."

Lelouch returned with Rivalz's body to the council room where Milly was crying. He attempted to hide his smirk but Suzaku caught him before entering. The boy seemed worried but took many steps back as he looked properly at the object in the other's arms.

"What happened to him?"

"I know that it's late,I know_ I'm supposed to be fast asleep a couple hours ago_, but I had a feeling that Rivalz wasn't feeling well," lied Lelouch hoping the boy would buy his lies.

Suzaku turned back as Shirley's voice came and screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL? LULU WHAT HAPPENED TO RIVALZ?"

Lelouch told her the same as he did Suzaku, who had walked out, his own tears filling.

**One Week Later**

The school was all gathered and gave their griefs to Rivalz, his cause of death not stated to the student. Shirley sat beside Suzaku who was holding in memories to not forget Rivalz and the things they held between themselves. She saw this and hugged him tightly.

"Are you alright?"

"No, but how can I be. _So I_," he started to stand and leave, Shirley standing with him. "_I need to exercise the right I've got to rest these eyes _and my body to somehow let go." Then he took off in a quick run outdoor. Shirley still remembering her injuries from the ran a week pervious jogged behind the boy, knowing where he was going, the student council room.

"_And I_," she heard around one corner stopping to hear the boy speak. "_I need to knock on some doors, then I wont have to lie here by myself anymore._"

Shirley heard a sniffle and walked around the corner seeing he was crying, really crying.

"Suzaku, I have no right to ask why you cry, I know myself. _Cause time isn't healing_, nor will he ever return," she said sitting down and holding him in a comforting way.

"_I'm getting sick of staring at my ceiling_ at the base and wondering how my friends are going to end up. It's hard to think that one of them would kill himself."

"Suzaku, we tried to stop him, but I think that something Lelouch did was what caused his misery. Beside I," she stopped watching the boy grow quiet and listened to her, unlike most boys did for her. "_And I, I can't help the way I feel about you_."

"Shirley we should be worried about Rivalz, not us. _Cause time isn't healing _what happened, between me and him."

"What do you mean?"

"He always was _pretty sick of staring at my ceiling_, and I always was always happy he was with me. Until he began to mention Milly all the time. The problem became too clear that we returned to the relationship that you and others saw in us when we first became friends _and I, I can't help the way I've fallen for you_ like I did him."

Shirley only smiled and kissed his cheek. A sigh came from nearby causing the two to look up and see Nina. She sat down in front of him, her eyes foggy and her face wet.

"Suzaku, Shirley, did you guys heard what Lelouch said about Rivalz?"

The two shook their heads and she continued.

"He said that he was suicidal since it was announced that Milly would be marrying an Earl and he had finally had enough. The school all want Milly gone now, but what will we do without her?"

They grabbed her and let her close letting her cry.

"It's okay, I'll do something to him to make him suffer," said Suzaku holding them preciously as if they would vanish if he let go. As they sat there a good while, they talked more about their memories, but Suzaku's cell phone beeped telling him to return to base for the night.

"_I have a run_ I do _to try and send me to sleep_, but it never works when I'm feeling down. I just end up walking," he said waving at them.

"_But things aren't all that they seem,_" commented Nina, who was holding onto Shirley just to stand. Shirley walked them back to the dorms and set Nina to sleep. Then she went to her room and pulled from her closet a shoe box that like Rivalz had photos and secret letters that she and the boy's in the student council had exchanged. She came to one that she had picked out of the desk where Rivalz use to sit.

It read:  
_The only time I seem to spend with you is all in my dreams_ Suzaku

_So I_, I don't want in on that. You have Shirley, stop complaining! Rivalz

_I need to let her go_ Suzaku

_Would it have worked_ Rivalz

_I guess I'll never know and I, I need to hit the road and find me a girl of my own _ Suzaku

**At the base where Suzaku is at **

"_Cause time isn't healing. I'm getting sick of staring at my ceiling_ and praying for him to somehow come back. _And I _hate Lelouch for what he caused. _But I cant help the way I feel about you_ now Shirley," he mumbled falling into sleep with Shirley there in his mind and not Rivalz.

Suzaku turned in his sleep, his mouth forming his name, the name of the boy who had been his best friend until they had pasted that line between their emotions.

"_Cause time isn't healing_," he mumbled in his sleep.

"_Pretty sick of staring at my ceiling_," said Shirley, her own eyes closing in her dorm, she thinking about the letter that she had read.

"_And I, I can't help the way I feel about you_" they both said, unaware to the other. As the two slept and let their emotions run dry of Rivalz, both were sure that they would somehow live on.

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"_And I, I can't help the way I feel about you_," said Suzaku as he aged with Shirley to his oldest son, who had his mother's rich red hair and his bright green eyes.

The boy's name was Rivalz Kururugi and the young Rivalz often asked why he was named after the once live energetic blue-haired boy, that he knew held a soft place in his parent's hearts.

"Because he was special to us both and feel that it was right to honor him, as the other council members hadn't much tried to live on," said Shirley, her hands holding a large serving bowl, in it Suzaku was unsure, but he was sure that what he had done for Rivalz was rewarding enough.

"_And I, I can't help the way I've fallen for you_," he mumbled meaning to both Shirley and Rivalz, two people who had changed his life and though in their different ways, effected him the most.

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Author Notes: The song used in this chapter is called _Time Isn't Healing_ by Tom Felton, who plays Draco Malfoy in Harry Potter. I found it on youtube and thought its lyrical content was prefect for what I wanted in this chapter. I know that this focuses on Suzaku and Shirley mostly, but I didn't want to get everyone who was suffering, as they all would and were. This was not intended to a yaoi story about Suzaku/Rivalz, but I felt that those two probably held some deep passion for the other, so yeah. R&R!! Thanks!!


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